Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
