Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I intend to get homeless drunk
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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