Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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