I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize