that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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