do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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