Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
