none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
