tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize