There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
