If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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