He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
