Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
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