why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I need to stop coming to work sober
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
