My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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