is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
