the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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