Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
