K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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