dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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