I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Randomize
