Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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