why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
