hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
