I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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