I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
