no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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