mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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