I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
