no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
