He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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