She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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