U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
