so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
