So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
