there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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