She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
