I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
