I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
