why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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