Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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