I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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