So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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