I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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