At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I AM VODKA MAN
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
