how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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