Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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