Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I will be naked everywhere
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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