TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
