there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
