i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
