A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
