every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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