I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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