i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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