It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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