i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
