I CAN MOONWALK!
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
