i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I think people are normalizing furries
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
