problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
