If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
