belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
