I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
