I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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