Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
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