Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
