The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize