two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
