This is not my ceiling
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
