Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
