If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
