I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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