dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
