he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
