We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize