I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize