I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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