i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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