I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he thought i was a dude.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
